If you’re not sure whether you’re an emotional eater, click here to learn what the “Top 10 Signs You Might Be An Emotional Eater” are.

So You Think You’re An Emotional Eater

As mentioned in the first article, most of us eat in response to emotional triggers from time to time; it only becomes an issue if food is your go-to solution for every problem in your life.  However, our diet- and thinness-obsessed culture elevates this coping strategy to a full-out crime, and the sad result of this is that many people harshly berate themselves whenever they overeat or eat the “wrong thing.” This leads to guilt, self-loathing, and more often than not, more eating to relieve those unpleasant feelings.  None of these are helpful in any way.

In my work, I help people reframe each emotional eating episode into an opportunity for self-compassion and the development of a more intimate relationship with themselves. Yes, that means that you can see a binge as a “good thing” if you’re willing to take responsibiity for increased self-awareness and growth.  This concept is foreign to many, and requires that one suspend deeply engrained judgment and self-criticism, at least in the moment.  But the truth is, once a person does this, it opens up a whole new world, one in which you can learn incredible things about yourself, and the doorway is your relationship with food.

Here’s the process I usually teach my clients to accomplish this. It can be done the moment you find yourself craving something you know you’re not physically hungry for, or after the fact when the cycle of guilt begins.  Stop for a moment and take a breath.  Then ask yourself why you find yourself turning to that particular food at this particular time. Be patient, and be willing to be surprised.  Pulling out your journal and writing freely can help you come to an answer sooner.

Once you identify the trigger, whether it be a painful event, an uncomfortable situation, or a frustrated desire, ask yourself what the feeling(s) behind it is/are. This can be a range of emotions, from the deeply negative to the positive (who hasn’t overeaten during a time of celebration?), or even a feeling that seems disconnected from the rest of your life.  Take a few more deep breaths.  See if you can muster the bravery to sit with that feeling for a few moments, rather than turn to food to make it go away.  If you’ve already eaten, then remind yourself that you did so because it was the only way you knew how to take care of yourself in that moment.  If you want to do differently next time, then you have to understand what happened this time and deal with it appropriately.  Sit with the feeling that originally triggered the binge.  With time and practice, you might find that the feeling starts to lift.

More important, however, is the next step.  Once you’ve allowed yourself to feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and accepted it rather than tried to push it away, ask yourself what the need is behind the feeling.  Feelings exist for a reason: they are important in helping us identify that a need has arisen that requires our attention. Anger signals that one of our personal boundaries or values has been violated.  Sadness indicates that we are hurt or disappointed about something.  Loneliness points to the need to have more quality interactions with others.  The list is infinite. However, if you can identify the need, you can do something about it!  Therein lies the power of emotional eating. The solution may not be immediately obvious, but the more often you go to the source of your cravings, the better you get to know yourself and what you need.  If you require help to figure out how to identify and meet those needs, then get it.  Seek professional help or talk it through with a friend who understands.  The result will be a life with fewer episodes of emotional eating, and greater satisfaction.

If you stick to this approach, you might find yourself actually welcoming your next craving! Over time, you will learn the language of your emotional hunger, and the desire for chips or ice cream will be translated to a need to attend to your deepest emotional needs.  It’s a truly life-changing process, where your “problem with food” becomes the key to living a more authentic and fulfilling life.

The focus of this seminar is our relationship with food and how it impacts our eating habits. Our beliefs and feelings about food are often deeply rooted in childhood memories or other core experiences. It is important to address the emotional and spiritual aspects of our lives in order to truly nourish ourselves. Combining the principles of nutritional awareness, personal growth, and body awareness, Making Peace with Food provides practical methods for redefining the role food plays in our lives. Many people have conflicting feelings around food rather than nourishing ones. Most of us are no longer sure what, when or how much is appropriate to eat. This seminar addresses this challenge by encouraging us to observe how both our thoughts and food choices affect our bodies and emotions. It reveals how our attitude to food reflects our attitude to life itself. We will inquire into the spiritual hunger in all of us and if food can actually satiate this hunger. Making Peace with Food is about how to eat rather than what to eat. Students come away from the seminar with a transformed perspective on mind, body and soul nourishment.

When: Saturday, March 10, 1:00 – 4:00 PM
Where: Clinique Psy-Sante, 3943 boul. St-Jean, Suite 201
Cost: $45, which includes nutritious snacks. Feel free to bring a friend!

Schedule and outline:
1:00 to 2:00: presentation by Julia Di Nardo
2:00 to 2:30: break, light refreshments provided
2:30 to 3:30: presentation by Sharon Cohen
3:30 to 4:00: Q&A session

To register:
Advance registration required. To register, click the “Pay Now” button below, or contact Julia or Sharon (see contact details below) to arrange payment in person by cheque or cash. Space is limited to 25 participants, so register now to reserve your spot. Bring a friend!

Dr. Julia Di Nardo is a licenced psychologist specializing in helping adults who struggle with emotional eating, binge eating and yo-yo dieting. Helping clients heal their relationship with food is at the core of her work, so that they can learn to overcome their struggle with food and weight. To contact Julia, please call (514) 963-4814 or email julia@healthehunger.com.

Sharon Cohen has been in private practice as a Natural Health Consultant since 1995. She specializes in nutritional, emotional and spiritual counseling, allergy elimination, women’s and children’s disorders and cranio-sacral therapy. Currently she lectures on the theory and practice of alternative/complementary medicine. She also teaches nutrition and holistic healing in the Montreal area. Sharon’s passion lies in empowering others to discover and live their infinite potential. To contact Sharon, please call (514) 235-8900 or email info@infinitenourishment.com.

Sedona Counselling Centre
5708 Monkland Avenue
Montreal, QC
H4A 1E6
(Corner of Harvard – above the Austrian Ski Shop)

Directions: Google Maps

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colourful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

* Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

* Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.

* Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.

* Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.

* When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.

* Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling.  That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

“This was my life,” said Betty, 42.  “I thought I had to do anything and everything people asked. Even if they didn’t ask, I’d find ways to accommodate them.  And if I couldn’t, I felt guilty.”

Betty was an expert, no-holds-barred, genuine “accommodater.” Somewhere along the line she learned that her needs weren’t important. In fact, she had been accommodating others for so long and doing it so well, she didn’t even know what her needs were.

What she did know was that she was unhappy, that she sometimes felt angry and almost always felt guilty.  She realized she allowed people to use her, but she didn’t know how to say no.

“To me, self-care had something to do with giving myself breast exams,” she said.  “If someone mentioned boundaries, I thought they meant property lines.”

“Self-care is an attitude toward ourselves and our lives that says, I am responsible for myself,” wrote Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More. It doesn’t mean you become selfish, cold, and dispassionate.  But you first become compassionate with yourself.

I often say in my work that the most important relationship that you need to nurture is the one you have with yourself.  Just like you might call and check in on loved ones every so often, you need to check in with yourself on a regular basis.  To practice self-care you must continually ask the question, “What do I need to do to take care of myself?” Even asking yourself the simple question, “What am I feeling right now?” can go a long way in helping you become your own best friend.

To be sure, self-care can take the form of gifts to yourself and pleasurable activities, but it can also mean work.  For example, you may need to change some behaviour or take care of some responsibility.  Sometimes just saying “no” is the hardest thing you have to do.  Especially early on when new behaviours are foreign to you.

Self-care also means asking others for what you need and want, everything from returning an iron that doesn’t work to requesting help around the house from your partner.

Practicing self-care means you become your own best friend, confidante, personal counsellor and spiritual advisor.  One thing is true: practicing self-care will always improve any situation you are in.  It’s the basis from which you give to others, and function effectively in this world.

Following are some self-care qualities:

* Being financially responsible.  This means being aware of your financial situation and taking responsibility for living within it.

* Taking care of yourself physically.  Eating healthfully and exercising; practicing preventive health care. Being in touch with your body is the first step.

* Having fun, playing, and laughing. You’ll feel better physically if you include laughter and fun in your life.

* Setting and maintaining boundaries.  This is what I will or won’t do.  This is how far I will or won’t go.  This is what I will or won’t tolerate.

* Maintaining nurturing relationships.  Spending your time with people who are kind, loving, honest and appreciative.  Giving and accepting compliments, hugs, love.

* Affirming and nurturing yourself.

* Seeking professional help when you need it.  Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.

“Self-care isn’t narcissistic or indulgent. Self-care is the one thing I can do that most helps me and others too.” —Melody Beattie

Author’s content used under license, (c) 2008 Claire Communications

Thus begins the volley of self-deprecating remarks.  “Gosh, I feel so fat these days, I don’t know how you manage to stay so slim.” This is met with, “Lord no, you think I look skinny?  I look so gross today, I ate like a pig at lunch.  You’re delusional!” And back and forth, with each defending her position as the fat one, and complimenting the other on how great she looks.

What’s really going on here?  What’s Fat Talk really about?  And do you realize how damaging it can really be?

The Purpose of Fat Talk

There are a few factors at play here, some of which perpetuate the diet mentality and contribute to the maintenance of body image and eating disorders.

1. The social acceptability of Fat Talk.  When ”French Women Don’t Get Fat” by Mireille Guiliano first came out (this was before I specialized in this area), I remember being very clearly impressed by the author’s statement that in France (and Europe more generally), it’s considered in bad taste to comment on one’s own weight or eating habits.  However, in North America, women regularly engage in Fat Talk as a bonding activity, putting themselves down as a way to appear humble, and exchanging tips and tricks on losing weight.

That radically shifted my mindset about engaging in Fat Talk, and I became much more conscious about abstaining from these kinds of conversations with friends.  Many people find this notion to be difficult, as perhaps entire friendships are based on relating in this way.  It can be considered rude to fail to respond to these kinds of statements, but you might find it helpful to remember that by not engaging in Fat Talk, you’re showing respect for yourself and for your friend.

Saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re not feeling comfortable with your body these days, if you need support in dealing with your feelings about that I’m here to talk about it,” will go a long way in stopping fat talk short.  This is because you’re not playing along with the game expected of you, which is to deny your friend’s “excess weight,” and are rather focusing on the reality of what she’s saying, which is that she’s struggling with her body image.  This is the meaning of being a true friend.

2. The displacement of negative feelings onto one’s own body.  One of the more insidious purposes of Fat Talk is to take negative feelings about something in your life and “displace” them, or shift them onto, something more socially acceptable to attack.  Very often eating and body image disorders have at their root more serious feelings of depression or trauma.  By making your body the problem, you don’t have to deal with more painful feelings that are less obvious and concrete.  Fat Talk only reinforces this notion and neglects to deal with the more serious underlying issues.

A more dangerous version of this concept is when Fat Talk is really a veiled expression of aggression.  Maybe you’re feeling jealous of your friend’s apparent “perfect life;” without even trying, she seems to have it all, from a perfect body to a perfect job.  Or maybe you’ve been feeling unhappy about some aspect of the friendship lately.  Sometimes engaging in Fat Talk is a way to avoid having to deal with these unresolved conflicts, putting on a “happy face” as you gush about your friend’s lovely figure while really feeling inadequate, uncared for, or angry.  If you’re dissatisfied with the friendship, figure out whether it’s worth saving, and if so, approach your friend with compassion and openness to address some of these hidden feelings.  You might find that a deepening of the relationship can follow.

3. The mistaken belief that fat talk will make you feel better.  A recent study (http://bit.ly/dTSVsL) showed that over half of the people who participated believed that Fat Talk helped them feel better about their bodies.  On the surface, it might make sense that expressing shame and dissatisfaction about one’s body, which typically elicits reassurance from others, would serve that purpose.  In fact, the opposite is true: it usually tends to increase body dissatisfaction, and researchers have long known that reassurance-seeking only increases the need for ever more reassurance from others.  True body satisfaction comes from within, not from the judgments of others.  In addition, regularly engaging in Fat Talk reinforces the diet mentality, and contributes to the internalization of the ultrathin ideal.

If you’re truly feeling unhappy about your body shape or size, and feel the need to talk about it, getting support from friends can be helpful.  However, because Fat Talk is so widespread in our culture, you’ll need to be responsible for asking your friends for the kind of support you need.  This might mean saying something like, “I’ve been feeling uncomfortable with my body for some time now, and I could use a friend to talk to.  But I’m going to ask you not to tell me I look fine, or tell me if I’m so unhappy about it I should just go on a diet.  I just want someone to listen non-judgmentally while I figure out how I want to deal with this.” You might be surprised at how much of a relief this will be to your friend as well, as most women often feel poorly-equipped to give support for a topic so personal and shame-laden.  Of course, if you don’t feel comfortable opening up to friends, or if the support you need is more serious than what a friend can offer, don’t hesitate in seeking professional help.

We are bombarded with conflicting messages about what to eat–often side by side on the same magazine cover. These confusing messages create internal conflict when what you want to eat must face off with what you should eat according to the latest expert.

Ironically, the definition of “good” and “bad” foods changes every few years so people feel confused and overwhelmed by all the conflicting and often arbitrary messages about what they are supposed to eat.

However it is possible to strike a balance between eating for nourishment and eating for enjoyment. In fact, one of the keys to optimal health and lifelong weight management is to nurture your body and your soul with the foods you eat.

So how do you drown out all the noise and find that balance when deciding what to eat? Start by asking yourself three simple questions when you’re hungry: “What do I want to eat?” “What do I need to eat?” and “What do I have to eat?”

What Do I Want to Eat?

The first question, “What do I want to eat?” may come as a surprise. But what happens when you try to avoid food you really want-like those Girl Scout Cookies that were delivered after you started your new low-carb diet?

First you check the label and confirm that they’re off limits so you put them in the freezer. Two days later they whisper to you from their hiding place, “Pssst. We’re in here!” You manage to resist them, instead munching on some olives, four cubes of cheese, a hunk of leftover meatloaf with a side of celery sticks, two pieces of low-carb toast–and yet you still don’t feel satisfied.

“Hey! We’re in here and we taste great frozen!” You finally give in to your urge and have two Thin Mints. Blew it again! Might as well eat a few more–and a bowl of ice cream–and start over tomorrow. Sound familiar?

Thinking about what you really want to eat without judging yourself will keep you from feeling deprived and out of control when you choose to eat certain foods.

You might be worried that if you ask yourself what you’re really hungry for, you’ll always choose foods you “shouldn’t.” At first this might seem true since cravings tend to get stronger when you try to ignore them for too long.

However, once you let go of the guilt about eating certain foods they lose their power over you. Learn to trust your body wisdom and you’ll soon discover that you want to eat a variety of foods to feel healthy and satisfied.

What Do I Need to Eat?

The next question to ask yourself is “What do I need to eat?” While food decisions aren’t “good” or “bad,” clearly some foods offer more nutritional benefits than others.

As you consider what food to choose, ask yourself, “What does my body need?” Keep in mind the principles of variety, balance and moderation when deciding what to eat. Consider nutrition information, your personal health issues, your family history, what else you will be eating and doing that day, and how your body responds to certain foods.

Enjoy your healthy choices by focusing on fresh foods, appealing combinations, new flavors and interesting recipes.

What Do I Have to Eat?

The key to the final question, “What do I have to eat?” is planning. If you feel hungry and the only thing available is a vending machine, you’re likely to choose a snack food that may not be very healthy, may not taste very good and may not really be what you were hungry for anyway.

Instead, strive to have a variety of foods available that are healthful and appealing but not overly tempting. These are foods that you enjoy when you’re hungry but won’t be calling out to you from their storage place saying, “Come eat me!”

Of course, you’re not always in control of which foods are available. At a restaurant, office potluck, or friend’s house, simply see what’s available and ask yourself, “Is there a healthy choice that will meet my needs without feeling deprived?” For example, could you be happy with frozen yogurt instead of ice cream this time?

Matching the food you choose to what you’re really hungry for and what your body needs leads to greater satisfaction and more enjoyment-with less food.

Balanced eating is simply the result of all of the individual decisions you make. Eating food you truly enjoy while taking good care of your body is the best way to make long term changes that you can live with. 

Q: Many of my clients struggle with food and weight problems. I’ve helped them look at the emotional issues behind their overeating, but it doesn’t always help. What else can you recommend?



A: When I began treating clients with eating problems, I believed that once they understood the emotional triggers behind their overeating, their compulsion to reach for food would decrease–which in turn would lead to weight loss. Instead, I discovered that, although they could resolve issues around depression, anxiety, relationships, work, and self-esteem, conflicts with food and weight usually remained. In the early 1990s, after witnessing the failure of most diet programs, I learned a nondiet approach to treating compulsive eating, one that has enabled me to intervene directly in the diet-and-binge cycle and help my clients make peace with food, their bodies, and themselves.

In our culture, dieting is seen as the primary way to control eating and feel better about one’s body. It’s often viewed as a means of self-care–the route to happiness, success, and greater self-esteem. Statistics, however, tell us that diets don’t work in the long run. Virtually every diet leads to short-term weight loss, but research shows that 95 to 98 percent of dieters will gain back the lost pounds, and about 66 percent of those people will end up heavier than they were before they started dieting. People who diet are eight times as likely to develop an eating disorder, are at higher risk for disease as the result of weight cycling, and have higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem. Thus, while dieting may seem like good self-care, it’s actually hazardous to our clients’ physical and mental well-being.

The Root Causes of Overeating

According to the nondiet philosophy, the major causes of overeating are deprivation caused by diets and the use of food to manage feelings. When a new client comes to me, she’ll often be aware that there’s an emotional aspect to her overeating. Most of my clients express deep concern over the weight gain that accompanies their overeating. Most are eager to figure out how to control their food intake. I start by helping them understand how they’re translating the language of feelings to the language of food and fat. I explain that, even though it may seem that they’re eating because they feel sad, angry, lonely, bored, or even happy, it isn’t actually the feeling itself that leads to the desire to eat. Rather, it’s the inability to sit with a feeling that triggers the need to reach for food.

Take the case of Julia (ed. note: not me!), who’s had a difficult day at work. Her boss just gave her a new assignment, which requires a large commitment of time. She already feels overwhelmed by the work that several other people in the office have asked her to do. However, she doesn’t want to undermine her chances for promotion, so she agrees to take the project on.

When Julia arrives home, she heads straight for the kitchen. She eats a bag of potato chips, followed by half a box of cookies. As she eats, she begins to reprimand herself. “You slob! Your stomach is getting so big, and here you are out of control again. No wonder your pants are too tight! No wonder everyone treats you so badly! Look how you treat yourself. You’re too fat, and you have to do something about it now! You’d better go back on your diet and get this under control.”

Julia has just made a translation from the language of feelings to the language of food and fat. When her boss gave her a new assignment, she felt angry. She believed she was being treated unfairly, but she was unable to speak up for herself. However, it wasn’t her anger that led to her overeating: it was her inability to tolerate the anger. Reaching for food at that moment was an attempt to calm herself, because her anger was unacceptable to her. She may have had a clue that she was upset, but she couldn’t handle her emotions. Or like other compulsive eaters, she may have found herself eating, but had no idea what was bothering her, or even that something was bothering her.

As I discuss with my clients the process of avoiding feelings through food, I urge them to become compassionate with themselves. When they reach for food to manage feelings, they’re trying to help themselves in a time of distress–which is a positive action. Nevertheless, it’s the wrong solution to their difficulties, just as rubbing ice cream on a cut knee would be. As they stop castigating themselves, they find that the bingeing decreases. They learn to say to themselves instead, “I’m reaching for food, and I’m not hungry. Something must be bothering me right now, and this is the best way I have to deal with it. I look forward to the day when I no longer need to do that.”

Learning Attuned Eating

The next step is for clients to learn how to normalize their eating–a step that must take place for them to be able to end their emotional reliance on food. First, they must stop dieting, since the deprivation caused by eliminating or restricting foods only increases overeating. I’ll ask my clients to consider the following question: if you were told that, starting tomorrow, you could no longer eat ice cream, what would you do today? Clients typically say that they’d eat a lot of ice cream today, whether they were hungry for it or not. I encourage them to get rid of the notions of “good” and “bad” foods–a daunting task in our culture!–and learn instead to become attuned eaters.

Attuned eating (also called intuitive, mindful, and normal eating) teaches clients to listen to their internal cues for hunger and satiation. By honoring their hunger, clients become able to “match” what food would feel just right in their bodies at a particular moment. They notice that they’re just as off base if they eat a salad when they crave a cookie as they are when they eat a cookie when they’re actually hungry for a salad. In this way, they realize that their bodies need a wide variety of foods. They discover that when they eat exactly what they’re hungry for when they’re hungry, they feel satisfied. This feeling of satisfaction ultimately allows them to stop when they’re full.

In using this approach, I make sure that clients understand that this is a process that will take time. The goal isn’t to control their eating by deciding that they can now eat only when physically hungry; I explain to them that if they could do that just by hearing these ideas, they wouldn’t be compulsive eaters. Rather, their objective is to pay attention to the difference between physical (stomach) hunger and psychological (mouth) hunger.

As clients begin to collect stomach-hunger experiences–eating when hungry, eating exactly what they’re hungry for, and stopping when full–they find that this way of eating is much more satisfying, both physically and psychologically, than eating what they “should” eat in response to external rules and then breaking out of all the restraints. They develop a consistent framework for eating what strengthens their internal selves and places them in a strong position to experience feelings that make them uncomfortable. In fact, it’s only when clients find that most of their eating is now out of physiological hunger, that they no longer have “forbidden” foods to reprimand themselves about, and that much of their negative dialog about food has been replaced by compassion that they’re in a strong position to end their reliance on food to manage emotions.

I help my clients identify what’s really bothering them by encouraging them to ask the following question when they notice mouth hunger: “I’m reaching for food, and I’m not physically hungry. I wonder what I might think about or feel if I didn’t eat right now.” Clients will eventually find that when they try to turn to food for comfort, it no longer works! I refer to this moment as “the good news and the bad news.” While my clients no longer eat compulsively, they must deal directly with their issues instead. But, of course, this is really a wonderful step, since clients now feel they’re in charge of their eating and can face their real problems. I emphasize that when weight loss occurs, it’s a side effect of their new relationship with food and not the main event. I spend time teaching my clients about positive body image and size diversity: that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes. I find it helpful to remind them that even if we all ate the same things and maintained the same exercise program, we wouldn’t weigh the same amount.

As clients discover how to cure compulsive eating, rather than control it, they take the first steps along the way to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Energy freed up from a preoccupation with food and weight can be channeled into more productive endeavors, including relationships, work, hobbies, and good self-care. Learning to tune in to needs related to physical hunger leads to an ability to recognize and respond to other kinds of psychological hungers. Taking pleasure in food and one’s body leads to a fuller, more satisfying life. These benefits will empower your clients, and they may empower you.



Judith Matz, L.C.S.W., the director of The Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating, has treated eating and weight issues for more than 25 years. She’s the coauthor of Beyond a Shadow of a Diet: The Therapist’s Guide to Treating Compulsive Eating and The Diet Survivor’s Handbook.

So we take another extra-strength aspirin rather than investigating what’s causing our head to ache. We use more caffeine or sugar to give us a lift when we feel tired, rather than hearing our bodys message about needing rest or recognizing our fatigue as an early symptom of burnout we’d do well to heed. Or perhaps we’re so disconnected from the wisdom of our bodies that we have no idea what we really want to eat, reacting instead to the temptations that abound in our imagination and in the ads we see.

We fail to take into account the thousand little messages communicated to us by how we’re holding ourselves: the mouth that’s pinched and tight rather than relaxed. The fact that our shoulders are up around our ears, the knot of tension in our stomach as we promise to do something when closer consideration might tell us we are already over-extended.

These days it’s not uncommon for us to put deadlines ahead of the protests of aching bones or inadequately nourished bellies. (Is there hidden wisdom in calling a due date a deadline in the first place?) Instead of asking our body what it wants, we go for the quick fill-up or the comfort food that may be the last thing we really need.

So what to do to give your body an equal say in how you use it?

* Start with the breath. Breathing consciously is a major part of body awareness. Turn off your thoughts and just let yourself experience the inflow and outflow of breath. Label them, “In. Out. In. Out.” Note how and where you are breathing or failing to, a clear sign something important is going on.

* Allow yourself quiet time. Sit for ten minutes just observing yourself, even (especially!) in the middle of a busy day. Meditate. Take a walk or a nap. Allow time to do nothing. Soak in a hot tub rather than taking a quick shower.

* Get a massage. It’s not self-indulgence to be massaged; it wakes up the whole nervous system and helps you tune in to your body, its tensions as well as its sensations of pleasure.

* Use your journal to dialogue with your body. Ask your body how it’s feeling, what it wants, what’s going on. Give that sore wrist or stiff lower back a voice and let it tell you what its message is.

* Eat when hungry, sleep when tired. Take a week and really pay attention to your body’s most basic needs. Do your real rhythms for eating and sleeping conform to the habits you’ve established? If they don’t, change them!

* Do a body inventory to relax. Start with your toes and work upwards. Scan your body from the inside. Or try tensing each part slightly, then relaxing it to release residual tension.

* Practice mindfulness. Get used to tuning in to your physical self, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.

And if your body suggests rolling down a grassy hillside, taking flight on a playground swing, or skipping down a winding path, why resist? Its impulses hold the key to our well-being!

Enjoy discovering the hidden messages your body holds, and learning to develop a two-way stream of communication.  Your mind and body will thank you for it!